Yeah we can't help ourselves but butt-plug our latest issue – and it's a wholesomely rotund number 10 if you don't mind! Loaded with exclusive stories, riddled with inaccuracies and jam packed with enough protein to keep even Bobby Sands alive, our tenth issue is a modern classic showcasing an epic Airwalk feature, a special guide to cleaning your sneakers and 1001 other bits and pieces of unuseless minutiae about everyone’s favourite youth-marketing hype-driven fadfest. As you’ve probably noticed, after 10 issues, the magazine is slowly evolving to a quasi-professional appearance, even if we disavow page numbers and happily mix international spelling modes on the basis of where a writer grew up.

Did you know the magazine started out as a two-week project back in 2002 designed to sate an unnatural appetite for free shoes? Much to everyone's surprise it has turned what should have been a niche cowpat into global chocolate cake and as a result, the zine is now sold in over 33 countries. They say you can't sell boobytraps to the Arabs, but in this case, it seems Melbourne can sell sneaker magazines to the septics and the pomgolians. Buy it from all good sneaker and bookstores or order a subscription here.

By Sneaker Freaker

Not only does the title of this crankin’ mix get us all hot buttered at the SF HQ in Fitzroy, it’s the bangin’ mix of the very hip, very now stylin’ of Baltimore house that keeps our fingers typing like maniacs as we throw down another issue. Featuring the DJ wizardry of B’more Kings, DJ Ayres and Tittsworth, this CD really does hold a little something for everyone. Not wanting to scare away those that aren’t tragically hip enough to listen to a whole 67 minutes of Baltimore, the two fellas throw in some OG hip hop, rock and new wave classics. Hyper mixed (with no tune lasting more than 2 minutes), you ain’t gonnna get bored listening to some T&A!

By Sneaker Freaker

An art show called ‘Room Service’ implies a kind of art-on-demand, like Ricky Swallow turning up at your door with a tray of moulded Darth Vader heads.

This show is totally not going to be like that.
There’s a lot to explain. This is a show presented by Melbourne’s own fashion label Lenko. They have asked their friends (ie: a goodly bunch of Melbourne artists) to help them put on an exhibition. Like Matt Griffin’s Relentless Optimism, it puts one artist in each room on Level 2 at The Carlton Hotel. There are so many artists, we can’t list them all, but here are a few picked at random: Tai Snaith, Dan Rule, Isaac Michan, and Carlos Garcia-Noriega Bueno (is that a real person? Wow). The image above is the 'zombie room' by Marc Alperstein and Marc Freeman. Yes, there is a zombie room.

You might want to visit this show twice. The launch is this Thursday from 6pm onwards, but there’s also a party on Saturday featuring the much-talked-about but-only-perved-upon-so-far The Process and the deliciously-tight-panted Foxx on Fire. Who needs Ricky with a tray?

By Penny Modra

What:
Lenko presents Room Service

Where:
Upper Levels, The Carlton Hotel & Studios, 193 Bourke St, Melbourne

When:
Opens Thurs Aug 16, 6-9pm
Runs until Sun August 26
7 days 4-8pm

How much:
free

We travel all round the world hawking our asses to the highest bidder and what is the number one thing you do when you hit the hut in New York, Tokyo, London and Reykjavik? You max the plastic – men are the new women when it comes to objectifying brands and shopping. One of the pernicious ironies of hype-driven global retail culture is that stores in big cities with big reps aren’t always deserving of such exalted desire – either the lofty altitude of the staff sucks balls or the vibe simply aint much to Fedex home about.

There are, after all, only so many cool sneakers to go around. So instead of looking outside this country for inspiration, we are pleased to report that in our own backyard, we have a new store that resets the limbo bar for class. The new Provider digs in Manchester Lane look unreal. The store is just out of the way enough to make it a CBD landmark and with its airy ceilings and lived-in laminated feel, it’s reminiscent of a crisp Danish Hotel, circa 1955. The staff smell nice and are knowledgeable without being snobsters and, with their own clothing line about to drop soon, Provider should finally get the boost up the coit they deserve. Check them out...

By Sneaker Freaker

What:
PRVDR

Where:
11 Manchester La, Melbourne

When:
Mon-Thur 10-6, Fri 10-7, Sat 10-6, Sun 11-5

Contact:
9654 4055

New Zealand. Killer sheep. The genius of this kind of high-concept is that it lets the poster alone tell you everything you need to know about Black Sheep. (Of course, it all falls apart if there’s only emptiness sitting behind the high concept. Last year, all we wanted were snakes. Snakes on a plane. How could we have been so disappointed?)

First-time director Jonathan King borrows from masters like Sam Raimi and John Landis for this horror/comedy and such love shines through the special effects: old-school Rick Baker-style transformations remind you how much better prosthetics, rubber, and slime are than any computer-generated effect. Besides, sheep do have that unsettling, alien quality to their eyes…

Surely, though, while the latex was setting, someone could have written some gags that didn’t have whiskers on them. (Hippies have funny names! They talk about feng shui! Oh, how your sides will split.) There is a laid-back, pastoral charm to some of the sheep jokes, but there’s also something disheartening about a cult film constantly shooting for the lowest common denominator. Black Sheep didn't have to be this toothless.
 
By Martyn Pedler

Everybody has a couple of beaters in the cupboard. But did you know you can actually bring those fargones back to life with a little elbow grease? What was once a black science has now been extensively researched in the latest Sneaker Freaker and for all the old-wives tales of obscurist abrasives and potions, the out and out winner has been a new product developed in the USA by Jason Markk Inc. The kit comes with a brush and some bio-degradable bright purple jism in a bottle – the miracle is that it actually works better than the PR blurb says it does. This stuff will clean blood and guts and grease off your rod with a flick of the wrist.

You can buy the basic set from Jason Markk or pick up a colab version of the kit (what else?) done in conjunction with US uber-store Undefeated. The stealthy new matte black iteration features a smoky scented color and the handcrafted wood brush has ebony-stained laser etched logos with black bristles. Who would have thought cleaning your foot covers could suddenly be so cool? Find more images here.

By Sneaker Freaker

Melbourne’s artist-run label Brothersister Records has issued an astonishing new pop compilation. Like its complicated and beautiful sleeve art – masses of shards from a psychedelic canvas are rearranged to look alive in an unnatural way – the twelve tracks included here are stupefying in ingenuity and effortless to enjoy. Like all the best label compilations and nature documentaries, A Fifty Gallon Drum of Savage Customs Fresh Flesh and Random Pop works as a key to an unheard, secret world that is highly developed and wildly attractive. The camp’s talent seems to flow untapped below street level and across continents.

Local secrets Pompey, Inquiet, Emperors of Blefusc and France’s terrifically named Brutal Vainquer open proceedings with tranced out electro-acousmatics worthy of anything Paw Tracks has ever released. Japan’s Squimaoto continue with what could be a version track off Sonic Youth’s A Thousand Leaves, and Design A Wave‘s  ‘Compy’ is a tripped-out kitchen dance masterpiece. The Andersens’ ‘Ether’ is a gorgeous, crying string arrangement, and LA’s Super Creep brings a tropical come-down vibe to closer, ‘Get Of My Beach’. Suffice to say Brothersister are a rare Melbourne treasure; go to their launch this Thursday at Gertrudes.

By Mark Gomes

What:
A Fifty Gallon Drum of Savage Customs Fresh Flesh and Random Pop album launch

Who:
V/A – Brothersister Records compilation

Where:
Buy album from Brothersister Shop
Launch at Gertrudes Band Room, 30 Gertrude St, Fitzroy

When:
Album out now
Launch Thurs Aug 16, 8pm

How much:
Album $15
Launch door charge $6

MySpace:
here

Related Links:
Triple R interview with Brothersister about the compilation

Australians all let us rejoice because surely we have national icons to wave our flags about? According to two American ex-pats, Eric and Steve, our nationalistic fervour is the plight of the American immigrant.

Who can deny that Neighbours is deservingly one of Australia’s proudest cultural exports? Eric And Steve can: “Who invented the soap opera? America.”

Okay, well if we can’t pride ourselves on the Timmons family at least we can say we’re a croc-wrestling nation, right? Eric and Steve don’t think so: “Alligators in Florida eat more humans than your Crocs.”

In that case, what other nation has the tiniest front man known as ‘that short guy’ from Human Nature? We knew we had them there. Eric and Steve then invited us down to the Hard Rock Cafe to be awestruck by the Van Halen cover band, XHalen and their accompanying dancing midgets. We got donuts.

If you prefer a slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving over gorging a vomitable Four’n’Twenty on a belly full of VB, this is your night.

In an all video-projecting, stand up comedy-ing, singing and midget-dancing star spangled event, it’ll be proven America has more than an embarrassing president.

By Isabel Dunstan

What:
USA # 1 ‘Bow to Your Masters’

Where:
The Hard Rock Cafe, 1 Bourke St, Melbourne

When:
Wed, Aug 15, 9pm TONIGHT

How much:
$5 at the door

Note:
This is in EATDRINK because, well, it’s at the Hard Rock Cafe. Try something new people.