A hundred and twenty bucks doesn't get you much these days in the ways of human companionship. Sure, you could wrangle together some strange for a buck fifty or so, but everyone knows the top shelf stuff starts at four figures, minimum.

It didn't always have to be this way. Remember love letters? Real ones? Coming home to find an envelope with your name written on it. In pen. By hand. How you took that letter and held it in your pocket for months. Opening and folding it shut until it wore away the very words it carried on its delicate fiber surface...

Jonn Hershend and Will Rogan do. They are the editors of THE THING, a unique object-based quarterly publication

THE THING is a subscription-based, mail-order, art project. Each year four artists, writers, filmmakers or musicians are invited to create a household object that somehow incorporates text. Every three months a new object will be hand wrapped in brown paper and string by the editors and mailed to subscribers. (Holy sh*t!)

The first four artists involved in the project will be Miranda July (Issue 1), Anne Walsh (Issue 2), Kota Ezawa (Issue 3), and Trisha Donnelly (Issue 4).

Subscriptions cost a meager 120 US dollars (about 140 AUD), and last a year, which is a bit longer than three to five seconds, and without all that awkward showering before and after.

By Jeremy Wortsman

Remember guitars? Not angular, choppy, post-punk dance guitars, or echo-effects-laden no wave guitars. We mean BIG fuzzed-out power chords, walls of shimmering rhythms, molar-rattling basslines, and soaring, bending, screeching solos? Built To Spill, Smashing Pumpkins, Swervedriver - even My Bloody Valentine?

Silversun Pickups remember guitars and on Carnavas they put 'em to good use. Named after a liquor store in their native Silver Lake (a hipster enclave in LA), the quartet pump out pumped-up melodic rock with menacing vocals, swathes of distortion, driving-drowsy basslines, and big-hit drums. They can't seem to shake the early '90s comparisons and, yes, there is a striking similarity to Smashing Pumpkins (vocals especially). But to write them off as revivalists would be a waste. It seems that they're just practitioners of the sort of big guitar cock-rock that bands back then could pull off without having to mug self-consciously (a la Queens of the Stone Age) or sacrifice small children to Satan (a la Black Sabbath).

From the narcotic rumble of album-opener 'Melatonin', to the hair-raising ride of 'Lazy Eye', it's clear there's something undeniably cool going on. Bob along through the hooks and high hats, and get ready for the return of sonic assault. It was only a matter of time, really...

By Wilfred Brandt

What:
Mixed Tape by Mathew Sleeth

Where:
Sophie Gannon Gallery, 2 Albert St, Richmond

When:
August 7 - September 1

How much:
free

Contact:

Those who have seen the Brady Bunch Hawaiian Bound double-epsiode (September 1972) - in which Bobby finds a Tiki necklace and attracts a run of ill fortune, causing Greg to sustain a serious surfing injury and Cindy to be terrorised by a giant spider while sleeping - know that hot jewellery can lead to more than a second date.

The people behind Self Preservation know this too. Thus: the name of their new store. In fact they are preserving themselves in a haven not only of hand-made jewellery but also of leather satchels, cakes, snacks and a manual, three-lever Italian espresso machine. They never need to risk life on the outside again.

Co-founded by jewellers Anitsa Connor and Line Paras with Con Christopoulos, Self Preservation stocks work by a range of Melbourne jewellers as well as pieces made in their own Self Preservation studio above the shop, (plus vintage trinkets).

Prices start at $30 for a pair of earrings (or, actually, $3 for a coffee), so it's affordable. But, be warned: you will be seriously tempted by Peter O'Connor's leather satchels. They are called things like 'The Engineer' and 'The Architect' and have their own birthdates stamped on them. Check the old balance before you pop in if you are interested in preserving your credit limit.

By Penny Modra

What:
Self Preservation

Where:
70 Bourke St, Melbourne

When:
Mon-Wed 9am-7pm; Thurs-Fri 9am-9pm; Sat 9am-6pm; Sun 11am-6pm

Contact:
9650 0523

Seeing a silent film accompanied by a live score is a thing of wonder - anyone lucky enough to have caught the Blue Grassy Knoll's performances for Buster Keaton comedies won't need further convincing. MIFF offers one more chance for you to see the 1925 classic Phantom Of The Opera accompanied by organist David Johnston. (Stop humming Lloyd Webber. It demeans you.)

The grand scale of the film needs a big screen - it has enormous, gothic set design, dozens of shrieking ballerinas, and the famous 'red death' sequence where the Phantom's entrance is so spectacular that it forces the previously black and white film into sudden technicolour. Lon Chaney, as always, created his own makeup for the living skull of the Phantom's face, and when it's revealed his stare feels like it could rip right through the fourth wall.

But you know what? Before the film even begins, the organ makes its entrance as it is hydraulically lifted up from underneath the Regent, lights flashing and smoke machine pumping. To hell with rock and roll; these levels of bombast can only come from a Wurlitzer.

By Martyn Pedler

Tiny bears have menaced many civilisations throughout history. More than a few have known the terror of tiny claws; the squeeze of tiny jaws; the more obtuse aggression of the Care Bear who doesn't care anymore; the deeply hidden menace of the clan they call "The Marmalade Family".

Despite years of work by an international network of tiny security specialists, it took one man to answer the call. And heaven knows, Ed Janssen's Bear Trap will be a comfort to us all.

Weapon specs: sterling silver body, oxidised sterling silver chain, sprung crossbar reacts speedily to prodding. Dispatch to stores is underway.

From now on, there might be a chair in there but sure as sugar there won't be a bear as well.

By Penny Modra

What:
Eureka Skydeck 88
(a report by The Architects, RRR)

Where:
Level 88, 7 Riverside Quay, Southbank

When:
10am-10pm, 365 days per year (weather permitting)

How much:
Skydeck admission: $16.50 adult / $11 conc
The Edge admission $12 adult / $10 conc

On a non-descript corner on the Paris end of Wellington Street, the not-so-secret-anymore meals at The Gem have been warming the souls of the Collingwood massive nightly since last winter. Soon too, word will be out about the equally enticing breakfast and lunch plates being served up in the comforting surrounds of the kitchenwares store across the street. Decked out in '60s formica tables and technicolour vinyl chairs, Chef's Edge is a diner in a knife shop boasting a satisfying menu, extensive kitchenware selection, and, most importantly, a naming pun that would make any self-respecting MX "journalist" proud.

For the morning after the night before, thick slabs of french toast with maple syrup and bacon will absorb cheap booze like a sponge, while their lunchtime duck risotto could teach the Waiters Club how to cook and - at $12.50 - how to price too. If the good food and wall-to-wall knives are inspiring you to head home and get culinary, there's an endless range of stainless steel kitchen essentials on offer, from knives and utensils to saucepans and professional melon-baller sets, ensuring you'll never need use an amateur melon-baller set again.

By Matt Hurst

What:
Chef's Edge Cafe

Where:
Cooks Corner, 287 Wellington Street, Collingwood

When:
Mon-Sun, 8.30am-4.30pm

Contact:
9415 148