Wednesday 8th – 15th March

The Commonwealth Games are almost upon us and the number of over bright parachute tracksuits per square meter is set to increase by up to 500 percent. Similarly, the average age of Melbourne’s population will increase to 87' as pensioners the world over flock to our great city.

So for the next few weeks, while Melbourne temporarily resembles an oversized retirement village, ThreeThousand asks you to keep in mind why it is so very good to be young and free. Swap clothes, be naughty, drink in a parking lot, have too much sugar or paint the down red instead of green and gold. Basically, just do what you want.

 

ThreeThousand Issue 045 – untied by the moment.

Cover photo by Akila. If you would like to submit a cover photo, email photo@tinanded.com.au
 
 
 
         
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Autistic basketball
Trainspotting
Ultimate frisbee
Taking sex offender lists seriously
Cosmopolitanism
Chuck Norris
Pillow fighting

Tell what's cool cool@threethousand.com.au

 


NBL
Planespotting
Ultimate Warrior
Taking COOL/FOOL lists seriously
Cosmopolitans
Chucking up
Pillow biting

Tell us what's fool fool@threethousand.com.au

 
   
 
 
 

The form is sucrose-based, but the art, nutritious. Sugar takes a childhood treat to demonic levels.

Running for the forth-consecutive year as part of LMFF, communications house Paper Stone Scissors and stylist Virginia Dowzer have let 29 indulgent pickings caramelise into one sweet-ass show.

Like a bag of mixed lollies, over the past year assorted artists, designers, photographers and musicians boiled up a delicious range of photographs, sound and installation art pieces. 

The virtual candy store sports suspended sugar cubes, overlain with Sugar-infused printed photography. A sprinkling of installation art gives the whole display ‘do not touch’ attitude - although secretly, you’d like to lick the space wall to wall.

Suggestive models sucking candy canes, the apocalyptic ‘Cane Fire’ and etherised beauty of ‘Death by Toffee’, make this lolly land both challenge and pervert inherent nostalgias; indicative of the bittersweet world we live in.

Sugar is sensorial delight that all art lovers (and dental hygienists) should dip their little fingers into.

Image Credit:
Concept: Juli Balla & Rae Morris
Hair & Make-up: Rae Morris
Photographer: Juli Balla

What:
Sugar

Where:
Format Furniture, basement, 113 Flinders Lane (between Russell and Exhibition)

When:
Until March 23

How much:
Free

Contact:
Paper Stone Scissors
 
 
 

What’s your favourite song? Well it’s about to become a whole lot favouriter: the long awaited, much hyped iBuzz has come to town. This naughty little device hooks up to your iPod (or other music player) and uses audio sensors to inflict pleasure in sync (or even *NSYNC) with the music. As the music gets louder, the vibrations get stronger and faster.

Softly spiked his and hers attachments, extra long cords, a separate remote, and 7 different vibrations patterns to choose from promise to bring a beaming smile to the face of even the most morose Emos and Goths.  So put away your “Lauryn Hill: Unplugged” album and crack open the early 90’s happy hardcore (not too loud, though).

What:
iBuzz 

Where:
Adultshop

How Much:
$119.95
 
   
 
 
 

Not to be confused with Hoboe’s Remorse (aka Sunday Morning Shame Spiral), Buyer’s Remorse is a terrible affliction affecting 8 in 5 Australians. There are only two known cures: teenage girl clothes swap nights, or Vogue’s amazing online Swap Shop.

Way more fun than eBay, the Swap Shop. forum threads read like a whose who of glamour. Touch typing traders are ready to exchange Shiseido Eyelash Curlers, Roy Jeans, Tsubi Skinny Minnies, and Karen Walker coats for Elizabeth Arden Peel and Reveal, Clinique Scrubs, ballet flats, and Sass and Bide jeans.

While the selection can be a little bit teenage girl (pictured) at times, have a thorough read as we are sure that ThreeThousand readers are sure to find something to replace the jeans that they bought but are now too thin for.

What:
Vogue’s Swap Shop

Where:
Online
 
 
 

Air Force brat Dene Lawson grew up all over the United States, leaving a trail of blushing Susans, Debbies and Anns in his wake.

He was a heart-breaking, note-making, moving and shaking cad of a kid, who kept all the love letters from his schoolyard years, which he collated to form his memoir to young love, 2gether 4ever – Notes of a Junior High School Heartthrob.

In an age when Internet romances are rapidly stamping out traditional wooing methods like the love letter, 2gether 4ever is the perfect antidote to anybody who is love sick, or lovelorn.

With chapters such as ‘I like you, do you like me?’ and ‘Make-out city’, even the most love-blind amongst us will read this and long for the days before ‘<3’ was considered romantic word smithing. This is romance writing in it’s most pure, pubescent, heart-skipping form.

Complete with tips on how to fold a triangunote (love letter origami) and how to write in note-speak, you’ll be inspired to start love (letter) making in no time. So quit playing games with your/our/their heart, put pencil to paper, and remember to always seal your notes with a kiss and not a spray of Impulse/Lynx.

What:
2gether 4ever – Notes of a Junior High School Heartthrob

Where:
Polyester, Greville Street Bookstore, Brunswick Street Bookstore

How much:
about $15
 
   
 
 
 

You can imagine that if Jens Lekman wasn’t singing he would, in fact, be silent. He would be that shy guy, who sits thinking, laughs occasionally, but is more talented than any other wanna-be or show off in the room.

His new album Oh You’re So Silent Jens, which follows up on his previous b-sides and singles, certainly proves his musical talent as well as having the depth and insight that only careful, quiet observation can provide. Compared with Morrisey for humour and melodrama and Belle and Sebastian flowery sun-filled pop, Jens Lekman is more articulate than his title might suggest. The 17 tracks speak in volumes and in tongues about love, loss, the unknown, the forgotten and the beauty in mediocrity. It sounds corny, and maybe it is, however when expressed with such honesty, and qualified by its own finger fidgeting awkwardness, Oh You’re So Silent Jens is an album that should definitely be turned up loud.

What:
Oh You’re So Silent Jens

Who:

Jens Lekman

On:

Secretly Canadian
Spunk
 
 
 

Unlike the skin flick from which it has borrowed its name, the three-day film and music festival In The Realm Of The Senses won’t make you blush – not that it would matter. No-one can see you blush in the bush.

Now five years young, this year the In The Realm Of The Senses short film festival has plonked itself in a charming new location amongst the trees and under the stars in the Yarra Bend Park in Fairfield.

Running over the Labour Day weekend and with screenings from Australia, New Zealand and India, ITROTS kicks off with the Fantastic Voyage opening night party; a film/cricket hybrid evening with Saturday night boasting the Crossing the Tasman short film competition.

To conclude, expect a nocturnal extravaganza at the Eclypse closing night party on Sunday, featuring Sydney’s electronic dance group, The Bird, the dreamy Mountains In The Sky, and a posse of other local bands and DJs – with some music videos thrown in for good measure.

What:
In The Realm Of The Senses

Where:
Deep Rock Picnic Area, Deep Rock Road Fairfield (Melway Ref: Map 2D, D6)

When:
March 10–12. Gates open 5pm Friday, 3pm Saturday, 3pm Sunday

How much:
3 day pass $40+BF, Friday + Saturday $15 each, Sunday $25. Tickets available at the gate.

Contact:
The Festival info line on 1300 361 574 for weather information
 
   
 
 
 

Section 8 was like a ship in the night as it lay dormant for a couple of months, just a mysterious fenced-in nautical-sized box in the dumpling/curry Chinatown thoroughfare of Tattersalls Lane. Now, with the gates finally open, and the mystery revealed, it’s a shipping container in the night.

A CBD oasis, Section 8 has a bar that bursts out of a shipping crate, complete with stowaway-style furnishings that are much more comfortable than the too often used milk crates. With a few trees for shade and the Milky Way as the roof, Section 8 is like a luau without the moonshine or mosquitos. Make it your next port of call.

What:
Section 8

Where:
Tattersalls Lane (behind Cookie), Melbourne

When:
Sun-Wed 8am-11pm, Thurs-Sat 8am-1am
 
 

What:
C’mon C’mon

Where:
The Evelyn, Brunswick St

When:
Thursday 9th March

 

Description:
C’mon C’mon is a much needed minty fresh indie night in the heart of Fitzroy. This week has Telecom Vs Red Ink Spills and guest DJs Damn Arms. Free entry 8.30 – 9pm, $8 afterwards.

What:
Meccanoid’s 4th birthday

Where:
Public Office, 100 Adderly St, West Melbourne

When:
Saturday 11th March

 

Description:
Meccanoid turns 4 and celebrates it oriental style. Hysteric, Not Happy Jan, Toupee, Glitch and Quirk and others make you get down like a geisha and party like a Pokemon. $15 in oriental dress, $18 if you’re boring.

What:
Jens Lekman

Where:
Northcote Social Club

When:
Saturday 11th March

 

Description:
Ok, so we carried on like a pork chop in HEAR about his new album Oh You’re So Silent Jens, well now is your chance to see what the fuss is all about.

What:
Labour Day Champagne Party

Where:
Eurotrash Bar, 18 Corrs Lane, City

When:
Sunday 12th March, 9pm

 

Description:
What better way to celebrate a blue-collar holiday than with a white-collar drink. Labour Day Champagne Party features the hardworking talents of Children Collide, Plug-In City, The Dardanelles plus DJs Streetparty, Generik, visuals by Buzzranch and drunken woo-haa by many others.

What:
Low Transit Industries 3rd Birthday

Where:
Horse Bazaar, 397 Little Lonsdale St, City

When:
Sunday 12th March, 4pm

 

Description:
Record label LTI celebrate their 3rd birthday in fine style with acoustic performances from Sime Nugent, Souls On Board, SubAudible Hum plus a multi-media show with photos, music and film clips from other LTI artists such as Black Mountain, Black Nielson, FOTOMOTO, The Mendoza Line, Of Montreal and The Ca$inos.

 
   
 
 

We at ThreeThousand love nothing more than a good, old-fashioned necking, and that’s why we’re giving you a chance to get in on the action, by winning one of Melbourne artist Carla Grbac’s naughty-cool necklaces.

Also, congratulations last week’s winner Nick who won the signed copy of Kozyndan’s Urban Myths.

 

This weeks question:
What sort of meal was served at Tiffany’s?

a) a quick snack
b) a happy meal
c) breakfast
d) high tea

Send an email with the correct answer to win@threethousand.com.au to win.

 
 

ThreeThousand is a weekly snapshot of Melbourne's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers, photographers, sub-cultural attaches and a large troupe of monkeys who enjoy working for peanuts.

Without editorial independence ThreeThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it – not because it's paid for.

Advertising Partnerships:
ThreeThousand is funded in full by one advertising partner per issue. We warmly invite advertisers who see the benefit in speaking to Melbourne through a trusted and targeted medium to contact Francesco at frunch@rightanglepublishing.com

Editorial Submissions:
The editorial team at ThreeThousand may know a lot - but they don't know everything. Feel free to send information on events, venues or anything else to chris@threethousand.com.au

Feedback:
Heap praise, sling abuse, ramble inanely – if you have anything to say to us please send it directly to talk@threethousand.com.au

We Built this City on Rock n Roll

Right Angle Publishing

ThreeThousand and TwoThousand are published by Right Angle Publishing.

Right Angle Publishing
Level 6, Curtin House
252 Swanston Street
Melbourne, 3000
(03) 9662 1657

 

Group Publisher
Barrie Barton
03 9662 1657
barrie@rightanglepublishing.com.au

Editor
Chris Barton
chris@threethousand.com.au 

Deputy Editor
Kath Loftus
kath@threethousand.com.au

Design Monkeys
tin&ed
www.tinanded.com.au

Contributing Monkeys
Charlotte McInnes
Nigel Carboon
Reuben Ruiter
Tom Hyde
Will Larnach-Jones
Max Olijnyk
Ana Cecilia
Toby Temper Temper
Jade Barclay
Joanna Weekes
Blingrid
Pollyanna
Jeanne Tan
Annie Fox
Dan Honey
Richard Hack
Lewis Mulvey
Richard Janko
Tom Jackson
Nick Sweeney
Lauren Katsikitis
Reuben Acciano
Lucy Morieson
Nadia Saccardo